Psychology of Homework-Squared

This week, I want to focus on something that can influence any strategy you use at home to strengthen your child's learning power -whether it's during homework time or another teachable moment.  It's something we are all too familiar with, but If we talk it through, maybe you will be a little more aware of its impact and how to lessen its grip.  It can make or break your impact.

It's not a shocker…

"Behavior, attitude and mindset can get in your way!  It can stop progress in its tracks.

You know it is true.

But it's not just your child's behavior.  It can be your attitude and mindset, too.

That's "psychology-squared".

That's right, attitudes, habits and personality traits are involved.  Your child's and yours. 

The expectations and routines you've established for your child during homework time are based on your child's needs.  But your own personality and experiences (which can be from your own childhood) can also be factored into the equation. 

A comment I often hear from clients is, "Billy tells me that you 'get him' better than I do." 

My response is, "I can separate myself from his behavior more easily than you can, I’m not his parent."  I can meet his response to learning at its face value, without the parental perspective that can sometimes make things more complicated.  I don't have the emotional history that comes with the parent-child relationship. 

And you know what?  We can't avoid it!  As humans, we are creatures with emotional experiences.  Yep, we have emotional baggage. 

In other words, a part of how you establish and uphold expectations for your child is based on your needs.  That's where the 'psychology-squared' comes into play.  The reality is, interactions during homework time aren't based only on child behavior.  Adult behavior is the other part of it, sometimes a bigger part .

I'm not a psychologist.  But let's acknowledge that your own childhood experiences -both positive and negative, can impact your parental expectations and responses.  It's all intertwined.  You are, human.

For starters, look at the types of responses you give your child.  Try to identify which responses are based on your child's learning needs and which responses are based on an experience or need of your own.  I'm not trying to sidetrack us with psychoanalysis.  Just be self-aware of the choices you make when reacting during homework and other teachable moments.  A certain level of awareness could provide more insight.

When it comes to working on a learning task with your child, your best efforts will be when you are not only focused on your child, but you as well.  Because it's a case of psychology-squared. 

Yet, not every homework session or teachable moment will go smoothly. 

When you try something new to help your child and it doesn't work, try to identify why it didn’t work.  Consider asking your child if he thinks it was helpful and why or why not.  That's demonstrating to your child that you are in 'this' together.  Team work. 

Recently, a friend of mine mentioned the TV series "Alone".  I've not watched it but she explained that it's not so much about one person against another.  Instead, it's about each person being against themselves because it's such a mental challenge to survive under the harsh conditions…alone. 

Sometimes, teachable moments and homework can become quite harsh.  When it's not going well, shift your focus toward increasing the level of positivity during the session rather than trying to advance the skill.  Doing so might necessitate a couple steps back to a simpler version of the skillset in order to end on a positive note.  Then, you can reevaluate your options for approaching the difficult skill in the future. 

I don't know if you've experienced this yet, a time when you are trying to help your child with skill practice and behaviors, attitudes and mindsets plummet.  It can quickly become a spiral of negativity.  

Maybe all you need are ideas for strategies to practice skills.  But maybe it's not that simple.  You might struggle with keeping your own goals, let alone helping your child stick to his.  Or, positivity may not be your strong suit and many homework sessions end up being unproductive.  Perhaps you're not able to relate to your child's struggles because they are your areas of strength.  There are all kinds of roadblocks that can get in the way when parents try to help their child with learning or school work. 

That's why I'm here.  I'm here to help YOU become more effective at supporting your child's learning process. 

One of the values I try to demonstrate in every interaction we have is that I consider myself a member of your team.  You, your child and me. 

I'm here to prepare and empower you.  I want you to feel equipped to help your child maximize her learning potential.  I'm here to help you find strategies to use at home that will reinforce, and even enhance, the learning experiences your child has at school.

Five years from now, I want you to feel confident that you maximized your child's learning during the elementary years.  When your child is in the thick of middle school, I want you to be able to look back and recognize the impact of the actions you are taking now. 

I want to help you keep things moving forward.  I'm on your team.  I can help you and your child maximize learning opportunities.  Turn polarized, unproductive friction into purposeful, positive energy.  It's possible.  I have three tips that can help.

Together, we can help your child maximize learning potential during the elementary years. 

Here are three tips to keep learning time positive and productive.

1. Choose a simple step that you and your child can take towards improving a single skill.  Think, "positive momentum" and "subskills" to keep it refreshingly easy and encouraging.  The key here is to break a difficult skill into several subskills.
2. Identify a realistic schedule.  Start simple when it comes to scheduling.  Recognize the limits that exist within your household.  Identify the available time and energy.  Think about other variables that interfered with past goals.  You both need a win in this.  Your child needs to experience success to build confidence.  Your team will be stronger and more confident with a win. 
3. Make the sessions positive experiences for you and your child.  When the going gets rough and negativity begins to slip in, switch gears by returning to an easier skill to repair confidence.

Don't expect this to be easy.  Stick with it and BE SURE to CELEBRATE every piece of success. 

I'm cheering for you!

Let's make s'more teachable moments, together!

Ron