Back to School: Part Two -Home Routine Refresher

This is the second post in a two-part series about refreshing your child's homework routine.  If you haven't yet read the first part, click here.  

As I mentioned last week, I'm using the terms "home routine" and "homework routine" interchangeably.  I'm also using "new" and "refresh" interchangeably, realizing you most likely will be using some of the routine from last school year.

Here are two things you will come to realize if you hangout with me for awhile.  I I think elementary aged children need more opportunities to see decision making in action.  Also, a lot of what we do FOR kids we should be doing WITH kids.

Refreshing the homework routines in your home is a great opportunity to INCLUDE your child in making decisions and preparations for doing homework.  In this post, I will explain five ways you can involve your child in getting ready for back to school, besides the obvious choices of shopping for clothing and school supplies.

1. The Goal: 

Start by having a discussion with your child to identify your shared goals for doing homework.  These goals can help you both make homework related decisions as the school year unfolds. 

The goal might be as simple as, "Be efficient, be productive and be accurate while doing homework." 

When I'm referring to a goal in this situation, I'm not speaking of the routines related to doing homework (amount of time to be spent on homework, what time will your child begin homework, and other components of the homework routine mentioned below).  In this case, I'm referring to what will be your child's intentions (attitude and mindset) during homework time?

Take time to identify commonalities between your suggestions for goals and your child's ideas.  If possible, mostly phrase goals in your child's wording to increase the degree of buy-in. If your child says, "I want to do my homework quickly," you can say, "Yes, you want to do your homework quickly, or efficiently -so you can move on to other things."  Build meaning of the word "efficiently" as the discussion continues.  Brainstorm a couple ideas for goals and combine them without overcomplicating the wording.

Remember, allow goal setting to be an ongoing learning process for your child rather than expecting it to be a perfected, polished, once-and-done task.  Try to have a trial-and-error mindset, allowing your child to grow into making goals.  The elementary years are a good time to support your child through the development of self-awareness or self-knowledge.  It's not too soon for your child to begin learning about one's own motivators, habits, and distractors.  

As adults, we still struggle to stick with our goals.  Think about what makes it difficult for you and use that insight to help your child structure her goals more thoughtfully.  As I so often say, "Keep it simple!"  Also, keep the process fun and encouraging for your child!  If (when) it doesn't work, identify some reasons and move on.  Help your child respond in a way that turns unfavorable outcomes into more favorable results.  

2. The Location: 

Not every home has extra space to reserve for the single purpose of doing homework.  Your child might need to work within close proximity to you, for help. Or, she may need to work in a more secluded space in order to concentrate without distractions.  The amount of experience your child has with homework up to this point will determine how much insight the two of you already have regarding the type of space needed to do homework most successfully.  

Discuss each other's perspective on what type of location and surroundings work best for doing homework (refer to the homework goal you agreed upon). If your child doesn't have much experience with homework, there may be quite a range of ideas.  Keep a list so you can return to it if necessary.  

This is a great time to give your child the opportunity to experiment with making decisions.  Some kids will decide to do their homework where they WANT to work rather than where they SHOULD work in order to achieve optimal results.  Allowing kids at a young age to experience being unsuccessful in their decision making can be super valuable.  This helps the development of self awareness, wisdom and confidence.  We learn from our mistakes so let your child make decisions and experience the freedom that can be found in "trying again."  

 If (when) the time comes for your child to acknowledge making a wrong homework decision, you may have to offer an olive branch.  Rather than saying, "I told you so," or "you should have chosen a better place to do your homework," say something like, "You should be proud of yourself for recognizing this location does not help you do homework efficiently, productively and accurately."  Or, if your child hasn't yet admitted there is a problem with the location try a comment like, "Are you sure this location is helping you do your homework in the most efficient, productive and accurate way possible?"

 I can remember figuring out with my parents that I needed two different types of space.  A quiet, secluded space helped me focus on tasks requiring much concentration.  Meanwhile, a space that was in the middle of the action helped me complete mindless tasks.  One additional caveat was that I could not do any type of task in the same room with a TV turned on.  My point is, there can be many combinations for just one child.  To this day, I follow these same patterns when I have different types of work to do.  

3. Set it up & stock it: 

Arranging supplies within the workspace will depend on whether the location is single use or shared space.  

It might take a couple weeks to completely stock the homework space with the necessary supplies because you will have find out what types of homework will be assigned.  Start a 'supply list' just as you would a grocery list.  Rather than making the list on your phone, make it accessible to your child so she can write things on the list.  Identify a date when you will go shopping together and put it on your calendar.

If the location will only be used by your child for the single purpose of doing homework, work together to organize supplies so everything has its place.  Labeling the spaces will help your child remember where to return supplies when finished.  The labels can include words and pictures for young children.  

Don't take the time to label spaces for each supply if your child hasn't actually worked in the space for a couple weeks.  If the space hasn't been proven to be the 'right spot' then hold off from setting it up as a permanent location.  There's a fine line between wanting to test it first and setting up enough of the supplies to help make it work.

In addition to providing the supplies within the homework space, also consider making the space personable for your child.  Add items that will make it an inviting, enjoyable and encouraging place to work.  Then again, don't set anything within the space that will be distracting.  You don't want to cause homework to stop in its tracks.

I love how this workspace is set up (pictured below).  Obviously, the child is not distracted by the objects and just enjoys 'their company.'

An easy way to personalize the space is to hang a framed picture of your child with someone special.  Also, print and frame a couple phrases or slogans to display in the space.  Encouraging phrases you often say to your child or quotes from other people can help make the space uplifting.  While you are at it, add clipart, photos and emojis to make the quotes more appealing to look at.  In fact, you and your child can create these mini posters together using PowerPoint.  I wrote a previous post about using PowerPoint for this type of project.  Click here if you missed it.  

If your child likes to wear hats, purchase a very special hat that will be of high interest to your child, and make it a part of the homework materials, allowing it to be worn only while doing homework.  A special t-shirt, sweatshirt or sweater can serve the same purpose.

Perhaps your child likes to eat while working.  Surprise him with a different snack each day of the week.  Make a list of snacks he'll consider as ‘special’ rather than the usual snacks packed for school each day.  Purchase the special snacks ahead of time, mix in something fresh from time to time, like fruits and vegetables, and make the snack selection something to be looked forward to each day.  Or, designate her absolute favorite healthy snack as "the homework snack" -the only time during the week when she can have that snack.  I've seen children who become super focused on their work when a snack is mixed in, yet others stop all productivity because they are super focused on the snack (that's me).  You have to figure out what works best for your child, if necessary experiment until you figure it out.

On the other hand, if the homework location is also used for other purposes, your child's access to homework supplies will have to be set up differently.  You can still accomplish a sense of organization and personalization of the space while it is being occupied by your child to do homework.  The added element of moving supplies in and out of the space can be accomplished with the use of a tote of some sort.  Even items to personalize the space can be included in the tote. 

Pinterest has a lot of ideas for organizing homework supplies -permanent systems as well as mobile, highly decorative as well as no frills.  Check 'em out!

Whether the homework space is single use or shared space, find ways to make the space especially inviting during the homework time.  Help your child WANT to be in that space during homework time.  A sign as simple as, "Smart student at work!" can go a long way to make the space inviting yet intentional.  

 4. Make appearances in the space (Visit): 

Whether they admit it or not, children love positive attention.  Wherever your child's homework station ends up, if they are working independently, be sure to step into the space to give some love and encouragement.  Sometimes, just give some love.  Sometimes, give some encouragement or recognition of their effort, energy, or investment in the work.  And sometimes,  ask if there is anything you can do to help.  As I say for a variety of reasons, "Mix it up!"

5. Schedule: 

How you establish a schedule for before/after school should depend on how your household operates and your child's ability to work with a schedule…and how well you are able to work with a schedule (smile). 

You may already know from past experience that your child needs a break after school before completing homework.  You may also know how homework usually plays out if left until later in the evening.  There is no easy solution for some kids.  Sometimes it helps to include your child in making decisions on how homework will get done.  Talk it through and share your perspective, keep it based on examples and your observations.  Work together to find a balance between needing a break before tackling homework and leaving it until after dinner.   

Kids who struggle with school work usually dislike homework.  That makes sense.  There are kids who seem to understand what's going on but prefer to avoid homework.  Reasons and motivators for behavior are often too complex to figure out.  Sometimes the child can't even express what is hindering productivity.  A couple baseline strategies can begin to shed some light on what's going on.

• Understand what the teacher's expectation is for time spent on homework and the completion of assignments.  Sometimes, I've helped young children complete homework that took a full hour-long tutoring session.  When the parent asks the teacher, we find out that the expectation is a given amount of time rather than completing the whole assignment, requiring excessive time.  This means that a best effort is made but then you move on to the next assignment or put homework away if the desired amount of time has run out.  This can help a child know that the assignment isn't going to go on forever.  There is an endpoint.
• Homework sessions can become extremely negative for both child and parent.  It can be a torturous activity at the end of a long day for both of you.  Again, talk with the teacher to understand what resources and options are available in the moment.  Set yourself up knowing how you can prevent homework meltdowns.  If your child (and you) have history of negative homework experiences, plan ahead and talk it through with the current teacher before it starts up again this year.
• I don't mean to say what you already know, but as a source of encouragement to you, I will say it anyway.  If your child becomes frustrated over homework, trust it is  justified reason.  It might present in ways that are rude and uncooperative, but try to sympathize with your child.  Acknowledge the level of difficulty they are having -whatever the reason may be, and acknowledge their frustration.  
• Some kids (okay…a lot of kids) don't accept help from the parent because, "You aren't doing it the right way."  Talk to the teacher and clarify strategies being used in the classroom.

To summarize, count your blessings if your child enjoys doing homework!  Honestly!

If your child doesn't like homework, count your blessings that you have the homework experiences to help your child acquire more work habits, self awareness and mindset alternatives.  I know, that's easier said than done.  Don't look at it as a short term goal -by the end of this year.  Instead, consider this school year as just one phase in a long term goal -beginning to prepare for middle school...and beyond.  

So look at all that is involved in doing homework in your household and work with your child to establish the basic routines to start with.  Grow from there, a little at a time.  The more reoccurring decisions you can turn into routine, the more energy is reserved -for parent and child, to focus on what really matters.  Routines can save time, too.

Remember, use this opportunity to practice decision making with your child.  Let him own his choices.  Support and encourage him through the results.  It doesn't have to be a scary thing.  Identify and weigh the options, make a decision, try it, and adapt or try again if necessary. 

Keep it simple, make it fun and mix it up!  

Let's create s'more teachable moments, together.

Ron